I'm starting life after caregiving | CAN
  1. Care Chat
  2. Life After Caregiving
  3. I'm starting life after caregiving

I'm starting life after caregiving

8 posts / 0 new
Log in or register to post comments
Last post
Tue, 05/28/2013 - 09:42
#1
Heatherrose
I'm starting life after caregiving

My father passed away last week. I posted in the Caregiver Depression forum because I had not seen this forum. I took care of him for years. I realize now that I was more consumed with caregiving than I thought I was. Now that it's over, I know intellectually that I am free to pursue my own life, but it is bittersweet. Despite the occasional complaining about being a caregiver, the truth is that I felt needed and it made me feel good to be able to help another human being who depended upon me. That's a huge thing to do in life. So when it's over, it feels like I am less important. Does that make sense? What job could be more important than helping and caring for another human being? Everything else I think of doing in the future pales in comparison. I suppose the way to look at it is that caregiving was a part of my life, like a chapter in a book. Now it's time for a new chapter to begin. I am hoping to find meaningful things to do with my life from now on. After focusing so long on another person, how do you shift focus back to yourself?

Top
Tue, 05/28/2013 - 13:56
Tired_Dave
Heather,
Heather, I'm sorry for your loss. Let me congratulate you for a job well done. You will still have a surprising amount of focus on your dad for the time being. You have wrap up the estate and pay bills. Takes months but you will get used to it. Most likely you will have to explain to at least one clueless begger. You can't talk to him HE'S DEAD. You will miss him. It was two years Sunday that Pat passed and I still miss her every day. Your focus will switch back naturally. Take your time grieve and things will happen. Treat yourself if you can to something you didn't have time for or afford. Things will never be the same as before. You have been through the crucible and have changed, That will help you especially in knowing what's important and what's not. Good Luck Dave
Top
Wed, 05/29/2013 - 07:15
Heatherrose
Dave, thank you for your kind
Dave, thank you for your kind words and thoughts. It is helpful to hear from someone who has also been through this. Most people who lose their parents weren't their caregiver, so they don't understand the special bond that we caregivers have with our loved one. My sister, who was never involved came to the funeral and then left to go back home so that she could use her bereavement days off to go visit some museums. She was sitting in my kitchen surfing the web while I was writing my father's eulogy. When we experience such deep loss, you want the rest of the world to acknowledge the loss, but it doesn't happen that way. I am happy, however, that a lot of people have called me and have told me how much they liked my father and said very nice things about him. My father was a very special, selfless person, who did a lot for other people before he became ill. So, it's comforting to hear from those people. In the meantime, I am having trouble sleeping and eating. I am considering going away for a few days.
Top
Wed, 05/29/2013 - 23:29
Tired_Dave
Heather,
Heather, About your sister how to say this..... Clearly she did not share your father and your selflessness toward others. The only thing common about reacting and grieving is that nobody knows how they should react. Be responsible, but if some time off would help then go. You did your duty toward your father now take care of yourself.
Top
Sun, 06/02/2013 - 06:31
Heatherrose
Thanks, Dave.
Thanks, Dave.
Top
Fri, 07/25/2014 - 19:12
Terry Wadsworth
Heatherrose,
Heatherrose, I know exactly what you are going through. It is something not too many people know how it feels. I was taking care of both of my parents and a little over 2 years ago we had lost my Dad. Mom is maintaning on her own. Once Dad had passed away, I had NO PURPOSE in life. And that is the worse feeling that I have ever had. Now with out any work and no money I feel as though I'm back to when I was a teenage, looking for work. The only thing is I am older, which is not fun going into interviews and you look at the employer and you could be their mother! Its real hard. As far as the feelings for my Dad, I hate to say it, it doesn't get any easier. I went through loving, hating and just breaking down and crying for my Dad. Of course asking WHY??? DO NOT let this affect your health, it will not change anything except maybe making you need a caregiver. Stress is a killer and it will change your health if you let it get to you! Good Luck, azbroadie
Top
Sat, 09/03/2016 - 07:26
lovycrop
Sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss.

Top
Wed, 04/26/2017 - 19:49
BaseByte
You are not used to be alone

You are not used to be alone and you have a new life that you need time for yourself. You go out with your friends get along with them and it's time for you to be in a relationship to get inspired or if you are in a relationship go settle down. If it's not a choice, explore your world to find happiness.

Top