Fed up with in Laws! | Caregiver Action Network

Fed up!

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zacriah123
Fed up!

Hi all, 

I don't know whether I'm doing the right thing, but I'm really fed up with my in law. I'm depressed. I can't handle her anymore. The problem is she is a dementia patient and she is showing extreme anger at times. She is refusing to take medicines and showing annoying behaviour. Actually, I love her, but I don't know how to deal with such patients. I'm frustrated as well as guilty. I know, it's my responsibility to take care of her. I'm really confused. My sister suggested me to seek the help of an elderly care service in Toronto to hire a caregiver. I had already contacted them and they had offered 24-hour nursing service to my in-law. Still, I'm confused. Am I doing the right thing? Any thoughts?

Dona
Some thoughts

If you are overwhelmed it is okay to get help.  You have to do what is best for her and you.  If she won't take meds a third party may be able to persuade her.  Don't feel guilty if you are doing the best you can.  Only you know if you are or not.  It is so hard to deal with dementia patients. Know you aren't alone. 

Charlie56
Hard decisions

Being depressed and guilt-tripping are hallmarks...all of us here are familiar. The truth is no matter what we only get a couple of options to hope for, peacefully at home being the ideal...evrything else means choices. It's just my opinion but take the care offered...you are, or will be quickly out of your depth dealing with dementia patient alone. My Mom is now 96 (I'm 67) and she slides a little more each day and I agonize over these decisions in large part over self induced guilt and depression and being the very last family I'm acutley aware of the struggle so take any and all help you can...it's best for all.

DCook
Something I wrote that I hope you enjoy -

                                               Caregivers

                                            By Dean Cook

                                          

When I was just a young boy, I remember asking Mom,

“Why does Granddad shake like that?  Where does that come from?”

The time had come for her to share some things about her dad

Why he’d come to live with them and the sickness that he had.

“Your Granddad has an illness, Son, and he can’t live alone.

I think it’s time we talked about it now that you are grown.

You see, life isn’t always fair, and sometimes things go wrong,

And when that happens, we need help, just to get along.

When folks we love get older, like your Granddad is right now.

We all pitch in to help them and take care of them somehow.”

               There’s a reason we call them caregivers.

                It’s hope, love, and meaning they deliver.

                They breathe fresh air into your life,

                A friend, a husband, or a wife,

                Like those nurses in starched white,

                They’ll stay awake for you all night,

                They won’t give up without a fight…Caregivers.

 

This morning I peeked into the room and saw Mom sitting there.

Walked over to her wheelchair, reached down, and kissed her hair.

Adjusted the blanket on her legs to protect them from the cold.

And recalled forty years ago the story she had told.

“Life isn’t always fair, Son, and sometimes things go wrong.

And when that happens, we need help, just to get along

My daughter in the doorway had heard the words I said.

I thought I’d just recalled them, but I’d spoken them instead.

She came over and took my hand and then I saw her smile.

“You go eat your breakfast, Dad, I’ll sit with her awhile. “

                 There’s a reason we call them caregivers.

It’s hope, love, and meaning they deliver.

                 They breathe fresh air into your life.

                 A child, a husband, or a wife,

                 Like those nurses in starched white,

                They’ll stay awake for you all night,

                They won’t give up without a fight…Caregivers.

 

I was sitting by the fireplace collecting thoughts from years before

And somehow, I could tell she was standing at the door.

She looked tired but lovely in that white starched uniform,

“I just stopped in to check on you to make sure that you are warm.”

“You care for people all day long, you’ve other things to do.”

She said, “There’s nothing more important than taking care of you.”

That smile she had, I’ve always said, could melt December snow.

She added, “Here’s another thought for you before I go:

A father told his daughter once that sometimes things go wrong.

And when that happens, we need help just to get along.”

               There’s a reason we call them caregivers.

                It’s hope, love, and meaning they deliver.

                They breathe fresh air into your life.

                A daughter, husband, or a wife,

                Like those nurses in starched white,

                They’ll stay awake for you all night,

                They won’t give up without a fight…Caregivers.