Feeling like a human sacrifice | Caregiver Action Network

Feeling like a human sacrifice

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Feeling like a human sacrifice

I help with my mom with my grandma, and by " help " I mean subject myself to " orders" from my grandma, most of which are unnecessary. I.E. My knees are messed up now from scraping paint off her patio, and uneven cement then repainting it. Just one example of something that doesnt need done that she gets upset about, demands it's done, and pressures my mom into pressuring me to do it. Three days a week and whenever she calls with something. I'm 40, a single mom , and I have resentment because I havent been able to finish my masters degree, and my cousins are allowed to live their lives but I am used and exploited . When I took my kids on vacation, my grandma was mad about it because I wasnt there when she decided to Rip her carpet up. Unbelievable! I feel like I was only born to be her human sacrifice and like my life means nothing to these people. What happens when I refuse to do these things? My grandma does them herself, and has fallen off her garage, fallen off a ladder and broke her hip, fallen off of a bathroom counter dusting the lights. And then she says it's because I didn't come help her. I'm so depressed , this is a never ending cycle, my family sees me as nothing, and this is all I'm useful for. I cry daily because I feel lonely and STUCK and mad. Just needed to vent. Thank you

I can understand some of your

I can understand some of your pain. I have a client who acts like your grandma and acts like there is no one to help her when I am clearly sitting right in front of her. She doesn't ask for help and then complains about doing the task because it's too hard for her or she hurt herself. It's frustrating. Can you get a paid caregiver for your grandma? I know where I live, the state pays for caregivers to help people and the person usually doesn't have to pay anything out of pocket for the service because their income is low. I also suggest try setting some boundaries. You could tell her you can help an certain amount of hours per week and once that is up,you are unavailable. Give her a list of things you are willing to do and if she requests something that is not on the list, tell her you can't do it. I hope things get better for you.

Lila's picture
Those are nice suggestions. I

Those are nice suggestions. I wonder if some medication may help with your grandmother.  I'm not suggesting sedating her, but certain medications can reduce symptomatic behaviors. I would add, possibly realizing that you are sharing this time with her, for her and to be fully present when you are there.  Sharing with her when you will arrive, when you must leave and when you can return.  While there, help her with what she says is the highest priority. It is so easy to go down the rabbit hole of frustration (I go there too!) but if I can share my time and words with compassion and sincerity, my mother is generally reciprocal. Best of luck to you!