I am wore out | Caregiver Action Network

I am wore out

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I am wore out

Good Morning,

This may be a long post, I need to get all of this out.  I met my boyfriend online and moved to be with him. When I got here he was able to walk and do some things. I thought we were gonna be on the same page. Well after about 2 years of being with him things started to go downhill with his health. He was diagnosed with MS. On a side note I have had MS since 2003. At first, he was in a wheelchair and we were living with his father, then out of the blue, his father wanted us to move out and gave us 30 days to get out. So we moved out, we only had his disability then to live on. after a lot of work I finally got on disability too. My MS has progressed slowly but I am still able to get around. His however kept going downhill. We moved again, into a mobile home that we were able to purchase with my disability back pay. He has no contact at all with his family and has only online friends so there is no one else to help. About 3 years ago he decided that it was too hard to try to transfer from the wheelchair to the bed and decided that he was gonna stay in the bed. Now he needs 24 hr care, he can't bath, feed or do just about anything except use his computer. We have had some nurse's coming to help with changing the catheter but he gets mad easily and fires them all. So now it's up to me to change the catheter too. He does not want anyone else to come in here at all. He just wants me to do it. So now it is up to me to do everything, take care of him, our pets, all the financial, cooking, cleaning, repairs on the home, shopping, mowing (because he did not like how others did it). He does not want me gone for long periods of time and he gets upset saying I don't spend enough time with him. He wants me to move my entire desk into the bedroom and be with him every moment. We are fighting constantly he is always telling me opposite stuff. One day he wants me to take it on myself to clean him, then the next day he tells me to wait until he tells me to do it. I just need time away from him sometimes and he does not see that at all. He says our relationship has changed, well yeah it has, It is not a relationship it is me taking care of everything. When we fight he says some really hurtful things and I know I say hurtful stuff in response to what he says. There is a lot more but this is already a bit long. I am beyond frustrated and worn out. I am just tired of caring anymore. Anyways, I just needed to get all of this out, I don't know what to do but I appreciate letting me vent.

akyllingmark's picture
#1. You are in an abusive

#1. You are in an abusive relationship.

#2, He is taking advantage of your kind heart, and has neglected (seemingly) to give anything to you in return.

#3. Just because someone needs what you can give them, does NOT mean that they are entitled to it, or that you are obligated to provide it.

Looking at this from the outside, I would say to leave him. Get outta there. I realize that when your emotions are involved, this seems heartless. Only you know if there is even a relationship to be salvaged there, and whether you want to continue to invest in someone who is not going to give back to you. 

There are options; you can find a way to leave.

If you really want to stay, do so on your terms. You must have time for yourself. That is non-negotiable. Tell him what behaviors you will and will not accept. If he fails to respect that, then stick to your guns. If you don't respect yourself, then he won't either.

I highly recommend the book Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward.

Wishing you the best.