I don't know what to do | Caregiver Action Network

I don't know what to do

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I don't know what to do

Hi, I’m new here and I just want to share my experience and concerns with you. This is the toughest phase of my life. Last month, I had lost my son and daughter in law in an accident. Now, It’s my responsibility to raise my 3-year-old grandson but you know, the unexpected death of my son made me desperate and am not able to give proper care to my grandson and manage all other things alone. Sometimes I feel anger towards my grandson without any reason. I feel guilty in my irresponsibility. Parents can never replace, this made me anxious about our future life. I really don’t know what to do. Our neighbour suggested me to hire a nanny for help. So I had contacted Diamond personnel, a well-known nanny placement agency in Calgary( http://www.diamondpersonnel.com/ ). They are providing both live in nannies and part time nannies. Is it safe to hire a live-in nanny?


KarenS's picture

Keith,  let me first express my sorrow for the lose of you son and daughter-in-law.  You and your grandson have both lost very important loved ones.  I suggest you both see some professional help to go through your grieving.  I'm not familiar with nanny's, but here's an article on questions to ask:


You may want to discuss it first with the professional you seek for counseling, to help your grandson with another change in his life., Also, I would get hidden cams placed in your home.

We just lost a dear friend in Calgary, and my husband's been in ICU over 3 weeks.  Sometimes it's extremely hard to get through it alone, you have many feelings going on and talking to someone about them may be a good start.  Now off I go to the hospital.  I'll check in later with you.

Hi Keith

My deepest sorrow for your loss.  I just lost my wife a week ago today.  My Lord, has it been a week?  Seems like yesterday!

I agree with Karen.  It sounds like you desperately need a greif counselor.  Someone who can not only help you with grief, but help sort out what sounds liek feelings of guilt and inadequacy.  Your grandson would likely benefit from it also.  Many would think a 3 yr old would not need it, but he is in his very earliest formative years.  Both he and you need to know your roles in dealing with his loss and advancing his development.  In any case, I can guarntee he feels the loss and he needs help dealing with it.  

I would suggest you also get a refresher on parenting skills.  It's a different world out there since you raised your son.  You need to get up to speed on what being a parent today means.

Hang in there.  You can do this.  You may need some help now and then, but you can do it.