At wits end | Caregiver Action Network

At wits end

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At wits end

I am glad I found you people this evening, I am at the end of my rope and feel I have nowhere to turn. I got married at 61 in 2010 for the first time with high hopes for a bright future with a loving, compassionate partner, we had been together for more than two years. She is type 2 diabetic with the associated issues and had survived a major heart attack but I knew that going in. 

Four months later she was diagnosed with kidney cancer. and had one removed. The surgery was major, we almost lost her. Since then she has had another cardiac arrest, pain from arthritis has become so severe she has limited mobility and her vision is almost gone due to the diabetes. We are hoping one eye can be saved with cataract surgery.

I feel like I have gone from being a husband and partner to a full time house boy. She complains constantly and refuses to do the simplest tasks for herself.  I cooked my own dinner tonight, she didn't want to eat but had to criticize  how I fried a pork chop  and nuked some vegetables.She loves to cook and feels guilty when I have to prepare a meal. It seems nothing I can do will please her, the demands feel endless. She has become her mother.

I help her dress, get in and out of her favorite chair in front of the tv. I clean, do the laundry and take care of a large yard. To put it bluntly I feel trapped in a situation that is spiralling out of control. We retired to a small town, support services are very limited. Where do I go from here?

ElinKate's picture
Wonderful and Painful

It is very sad to here that your wife suffering from different problem, She is also suffering from kidney cancer but at the same time you did a great job for your wife making food and lots of other things.You can also give research paper help service to different people and earn money for your wife and give her a better treatment for kidney cancer.


At wits end

i think id try to get some help from a local church group . ( if you belong). See that she has a more social life .. A Book club?  cards once a week? Something .. or just plain therapy.   If you can afford it bring in some help give yourself an afternoon or 2 a week o

Thank you both for your

Thank you both for your comments, I feel better knowing somebody is listening. I try to get her out to socialize but it is a major undertaking getting her dressed and in and out of the car. She does not like visitors dropping in unannounced, even people we know well. She feels she needs to have a perfect house, her hair has to be perfect etc. Again just like her mother.

Fortunately I do take breaks. I am on call with a local business, I have joined a club which I thoroughly enjoy and go out for a beer and some guy time once a week. Without these activities I fear I would go stark raving nuts.