At wits end - Caregiver Depression | CAN

At wits end

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At wits end

I am glad I found you people this evening, I am at the end of my rope and feel I have nowhere to turn. I got married at 61 in 2010 for the first time with high hopes for a bright future with a loving, compassionate partner, we had been together for more than two years. She is type 2 diabetic with the associated issues and had survived a major heart attack but I knew that going in. 

Four months later she was diagnosed with kidney cancer. and had one removed. The surgery was major, we almost lost her. Since then she has had another cardiac arrest, pain from arthritis has become so severe she has limited mobility and her vision is almost gone due to the diabetes. We are hoping one eye can be saved with cataract surgery.

I feel like I have gone from being a husband and partner to a full time house boy. She complains constantly and refuses to do the simplest tasks for herself.  I cooked my own dinner tonight, she didn't want to eat but had to criticize  how I fried a pork chop  and nuked some vegetables.She loves to cook and feels guilty when I have to prepare a meal. It seems nothing I can do will please her, the demands feel endless. She has become her mother.

I help her dress, get in and out of her favorite chair in front of the tv. I clean, do the laundry and take care of a large yard. To put it bluntly I feel trapped in a situation that is spiralling out of control. We retired to a small town, support services are very limited. Where do I go from here?

At wits end

i think id try to get some help from a local church group . ( if you belong). See that she has a more social life .. A Book club?  cards once a week? Something .. or just plain therapy.   If you can afford it bring in some help give yourself an afternoon or 2 a week o

Thank you both for your

Thank you both for your comments, I feel better knowing somebody is listening. I try to get her out to socialize but it is a major undertaking getting her dressed and in and out of the car. She does not like visitors dropping in unannounced, even people we know well. She feels she needs to have a perfect house, her hair has to be perfect etc. Again just like her mother.

Fortunately I do take breaks. I am on call with a local business, I have joined a club which I thoroughly enjoy and go out for a beer and some guy time once a week. Without these activities I fear I would go stark raving nuts.

I know you tried your best

I know you tried your best for her!

Super Mario


Reach out to family and friends for emotional support. They might be willing to help or provide advice, even if they are not physically present. Remember, taking care of yourself is crucial. If you are feeling overwhelmed, it's okay to seek help. Don't hesitate to reach out to local resources, healthcare professionals, or support groups for assistance and guidance.

Tin/Painters Parramatta

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging and overwhelming situation. It's clear that you've been taking on a significant amount of responsibility and care for your wife, and it's understandable that this can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Coping with a loved one's serious health issues can be incredibly difficult, and it's important to acknowledge the toll it takes on both the caregiver and the person receiving care. Remember, it's okay to seek help and prioritize your own well-being. Caring for a loved one with complex health issues is a significant undertaking, and it's important to ensure that you are supported in the process. If you're in immediate distress or crisis, don't hesitate to reach out to local mental health services or crisis hotlines for immediate assistance. I am Jill btw at carpenter in Sydney

thanks for the info