Being thrown into all this | Caregiver Action Network

Being thrown into all this

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whitney429's picture
Being thrown into all this

I am a 20 something who has been taking care of my morbidly obese mother for the past 8 years. She has always been able to take care of herself, we used to fight alot and I would leave her to her own devices, I let her eat what she wanted and I stopped nagging her to walk which she never did anyways. She now has diebetes and is almost immobile 20 hrs a day. She is so ungrateful and picks at everything I do and how I am doing it. Nothing is ever good enough for her. She lives in denial and she lies about her ailments so we waste alot of time and my energy on meaningless things.

I feel like alot of her problems are in her head, I know she is depressed but she will not admit it or get help for it. I know that she is in a good amount of pain everyday hence the reason why she is so miserable to be around. She doesnt want to do anything productive or help me help her. Instead when things get really bad only than am I notified of the problem and it is up to me to figure it out. She doesnt understand I am not a doctor and there are only so many things I can do without proper tools. The other day she asked me to show her sympathy, I think that is sick and easy for her to say. If I gave into everything that she wanted i would no longer be myself, my own person with feelings/thoughts that are not attatched to her and I refuse to do that. I already wake up with my first thoughts on my "to-do" list.

 I struggle everyday with feeling overwhelmed, the work is never ending. I know this is going to get worse and more things will be piled onto me. I feel alone in this.

I almost dont want anyone to know the disfunction that goes on in my house, the reason things are the way they are is difficult to explain when the person you are caring for is erratic and wants to be catered to.


KarenS's picture
You're very young....

You're very young ti be thrown into the grueling task of being a caretaker.  At your age you're trying to figure out your own direction.  Sounds like you need someone to talk to, and someone to relieve you periodocially.  Do you have someone to stay with her, so you can get out for a break.  People in pain, or ill can be short with you...  so you're right by thinking hers may be due to her pain, or not being able to do for herself.  Can you get her doctor involved, possibly with excerise and diet options. 


I know what you mean

I came here to start identifying with other people that are more or less 'stuck' in the situation of caring for someone who acts like an ungrateful person or plays games.  I'm in something similar living with a girlfriend of 38.  We're the same age, and she has chronic pain, but I believe she plays it up; particularly when it comes to being responcible around the house, yet when her 8 year old daughter visits every other weekend she has energy for her activities or when she wants to go somewhere she doesn't complain then.  She gets really disrespectful about my efforts to be a good boyfriend and I have wanted her gone on more than one occaission, because to be honest after helping someone in a relationship time and time again and getting stabbed in the back, you just have to say enough is enough with the shit.  If you find yourself giving up your life or yourself to make someone elses better and they treat you immorally, put you down, and disrespect you, then leave them.  It doesn't matter if she is your Mom or not.  No one, NO ONE has the right to treat someone that is helping them like crap for no reason at all.  It's their life and totally unfair of them to force it on someone as if to say, "Oh you need to live for me because I don't give a shit."