Hi, I am a 22yo woman who has recently become a full-time (~8am-5pm, dad helps when he's home from work) caregiver for my 55yo mother who had a severe stroke several months back. Before the stroke, my mother was extremely independent (despite many health issues, i.e. T1 diabetes, kidney failure, osteoporosis, etc), but now, she cannot walk on her own, or communicate effectively. This has taken an extreme toll on her mental state (she has a history of depression, not suicidal, but where she shuts down, and pushes people away), and she hates having people take care of her, especially me, her daughter (revered roles). She has had these daily breakdowns where she starts crying and trying to tell me things that I cannot understand (because her speech is completely unclear) and I don't know how to help her. I can't really give her space because she tries to get up on her own, and she'll fall and get hurt if she does. I don't know what to do when this happens. Please help.
I have been a catrgiver pretty much my whole life in some form . I started taking care of , well she is like my mother in law about 3 years ago. She is deaf in one ear other hearing aid. She started showing signs of dementia about that time . I took her to new doctor to start primary care. She was evaluated and test where done about 2 1/2 years ago. She was diagnosed stage 4 lung cancer that had spread. It was all over ,brain included. Treatment was given for the 21/2 years. Radiation and chemo.she went in remission 2 times. This last time she took treatment . Its almost killed her .Her platelets dropped to a 1. So she was referred to hone hospice .she couldn't take treatments anymore. I have cared for her all along. It wasn't a constant all day and night care then . checked on her all day off and on. Since hispuce placement November 3 . its been a constant which was fine. She gained some strength back. So then she could go to the bathroom instead if bedside toilet. Things have progressed fast. Her lungs are not as bad as I would exspect. But the dementia and brain caner has gotten so much worse. She wont eat or drink anything good anymore . I may get a small amount of healthy food in. But a constant intake if sugar is all she wants. Atleast she us eating and drinking sone thing i gueas. She no longer uses toilet 95% is in depend. Which is all over her basically. So things have been good . stayed in routine . Then she hit the brakes . Dont touch me . No im not changing . demanding a do things . which she sits and looks at so I understand she want a it dobe or fixed. But has gotten so rude and bossy as if I am the maid or servant. She says very hurtful mean thinfs yells curses me. ( I know all this us normal ,not her fault. ) she basically fights me on everything. She nos ignores me. Or gets very mad. I now have aid coming to do shower 2 times a week. Worked well first time . she refused this next time. I have no help with thise things but her son helps all he can now. Sge JUAT atartwd to give him issues. Nurse said haldol and adivan. NO WONT DO THAT AGAIN. She us alergic to zanax and seraquil . I saw a complete awful worse behavior when given haldol. I also investigated haldol in elderly dementia patients. Not good idea. Hoapuce has a set medication list they generally go by. But everyone is different . So we chose to not give her haldol even though nurse said higher diae would help. She takes klonapin has fir years so I just up her a half more . want to substatute that for haldol . anyways to get to the point . I am emotionally abd mentally exhauseted. Its just me , her son and her xhusband . No one will help . I have used respice . Waiting on next availble time.
What do I do if I cant go on. . I am to my point of tapping out. Its that bad. I have OCD and other issues. My house has always been in order. I cant breath when I walk in . No time to do anything. She was a angel if a lady her whole life. I know its not her fault its the illness. But I feel like she is gone and I do not like this new person. Im venting and asking Amy advice.