New here & starting to freak out | Caregiver Action Network

New here & starting to freak out!

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New here & starting to freak out!

my 80 year old widowed mom came home from a nursing home rehab 2 weeks ago, not because she was "ready" but because she ran out of medicare days. Day 1 she gets a C-diff diagnosis from home health nurse. Day 2, She refuses to wear depends at home or wash her hands after using the restroom. We were told hand sanitizers don't kill it but she still uses it occasionally. She has not had a bath in 2 weeks and does not want one. I ask for an aid to help with a bed bath her but no luck yet. She has a home health nurse who does nothing & 2 rehab girls that come 2x a week that are great. I am at my wits end trying to stand the smell and the heat and the mess. In addition she suddenly started confusing her day and night meds 2 days ago. I have bought new pill holders and clearly labeled them, even ask her not to take meds till I get there but she wont listen. She is also having trouble using the phone. Part of the problem is her refusing to use reading glasses. I made a poster and taped it to the wall with the numbers she needs. Someone said forgetting numbers and how to use a phone was a sign of dementia? I have no family living that can help and I lost my oldest daughter this past christmas day. Mom has nothing except her SS check and it's only 1200 a month or I'd hire help. I have 2 grand children 1 & 6 that I keep 2 days a week. I can't let them go into her house. She knows she's contagious and is still mad that the kids can't come in. When I get to her home every morning it's covered in feces from her bedroom to the bathroom. I cant clean her carpet with bleach. I'm so confused and frustrated. Any words or wisdom or advice would be appreciated. She was using a walker but she stopped. She had a brain tumor removed 5/11 with complications. (blood clot & spinal fluid leak from the incision site). Thanks so much

I know it's probably not the
I know it's probably not the best alternative, and I have no experience with having to take care of someone that refuses to do what's best, but I think there is a government agency called adult protective services. Again, I'm not an expert, but I would imagine your mother would become a ward of the court and the government would then take over for her care needs.
Hi Layla not sure if you are
Hi Layla not sure if you are still having the challenges noted above but if so I can relate. We experienced a good bit of what you described with my mother in law. Additionally, my husband has a brain tumor and complications from the treatment so I can relate to the metal challenges with the medicine. A couple of things we did for additional support was employ assistance from our church and friends or neighbors that would come in and check on my mother in law. Knowing that she was going to have visitors seemed to encourage her to better hygiene. We also found out she was concerned scared of falling in the bath but did not want assistance. We got her a bench for the tub that she welcomed and used to bath. We also used a medical alert system, that was set up to let me know if there was an emergency but they also engaged with my husband to remind him to take his medication. We worked out a plan and the conversation that needed to occur between my husband and the company. If there was a problem, (i.e. they couldn't reach him or get a confirmation consistent with our plan) they would call me to let me know. The alert system can be secured for free for eligible candidates. I also purchased pill containers for the day and evening that looked very different. I also used pill containers that stood vertically off the table so they could be seen easily. Finally to reduce the chance for error, I only made the medicines necessary to be consumed in my absence available. This way the chance for error was reduced. Hopefully these tips will be helpful. If you have any questions you are welcome to contact at 678-488-5587. I also have a blog, ( with caregiving tips I have learned over the last 28 years having cared for my son, who had Leukemia, my mother who struggled with various cancers and my husband who has a brain tumor and epilepsy.
I am so sorry, I know you
I am so sorry, I know you must be at your wits end for sure. I sure would be. I am with my own mother. I know it may sound horrible but the other person who responded to you has a great point. This is getting to be so much more than you can handle. After reading this I feel I need to not complain. Bless you.