Today it dawned on me that I am my mother's caregiver. A few years ago, I was in an accident that left me visually impaired. I was struggling with raising my three children & navigatimg my newly discovered disability. My mother lived in another state, where she was carimg for my grandmother (her mother). She called me one day, crying & saying that she was struggling as a caregiver & was also dealing with my brother & his family, who she had moved in earlier (she was helping them after they had some financial issues). She asked me to move into her home, where should could help me, while I helped her with my grandmother. I agreed & moved to her state & her home after my oldest daughter started college. I moved in with my two youngest children. That was over five years ago & in that time period, my brother & his family moved out, my grandmother died & my mother moved ANOTHER family member in...my adult nephew (my sister's son). He was dealing with mental illness & at one point tried to poison my son, saying he needed to die. I put my nephew out of the house & took his house key, & the local crisis center was contacted. My mother became VERY angry with me. I was perplexed because I did what I did in order to protect my family (including her). While my nephew was in the hospital, he opened up & shared that years ago, he also molested my daughter while in my mother's care. I had sent her to live with my mother while looking for a place to stay becauee my OTHER nephew molested the same daughter. I thought I was sending her to a safe place in another state. My nephew ended up being sent away to the state where his mother lives. The issue that I am dealing with now, is that after my grandmother died, my mother MOVED MY NEPHEW BACK IN WITH US because she was fearful about MONEY & making sure the bills were covered. I collect a monthly disability stipend & she receives a monthly retirement check. Things were tight, but we were managing. She acted as if I was crazy for having a problem with moving the man who tried to kill one child & molest the other back into our home. A while back, I started counseling for my children & myself. My mother found out that my sister was getting paid to take care of my nephew & he also receives disability & a stipend for being a veteran. She called it looking out for him, but I see that it is mainly money-driven. It seems as though the real reason she had me move in with her was for money as well. It hurt my heart to come to that realization. I recently had my 2nd eye surgery & seeing well enough to drive after 7 years of not doing so. I live in a city that makes it hard to get around withoit a car, so I depended on my mother a lot. She is a retired nurse, so it is becoming more & more evident why she constantly puts heself in the "catering" role, despite her own failing health. She never sought therapy, even after my grandmother died. She also didn't take many others (including myself), up on their offers to give her a break while caring for my grandmother (who wasn't very kind to her). She plays the martyr role well...as well as the victim. She criticizes my children & I often & does not do the same for the people who came into her life causing problems. Now that I can see better, I am finally able to implement business plans that I've had for years. I have great friends & sunny disposition. All of that seems like a threat to my mother. It seems she fears that I will abandon her as I continue to get my life in order. I don't plan to, but I definitely shared my feelings with her about how difficult it is to live with her & her decisions. That is why I joined this forum. I refuse to continue the cycle of suffering in silence & not beong able to establish healthy boundaries & detaching when it is necessary. I forgive my mother, but that doesn't equate to full access into my life. As much as I love her, I do not trust that she has my best interest when it comes to her "helping". I wish I could have seen this sooner, but it was difficult to fathom that the woman who raised me, became this selfish, controlling & manipulative person. I think some of those ways existed before, but now that life has slowed down & she has run so many people off, it is dawning on her that despite what she has thought in the past...SHE is the toxic one. While I quietly plan living in another place, I encourage her often to get help. Although this is long, I appreciate whoever made it this far lol...& would appreciate feedback or to hear other's stories when it comes to this topic. Thank you!