3 years in, still feel helpless | Caregiver Action Network

3 years in, still feel helpless

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kicky_mich's picture
3 years in, still feel helpless

Hi everyone, 

I am new on this site but an experienced caregiver.  I have been taking care of my parents, bothof which who have terminal diseases.

I'm small with a spinal fusion, so as soon as I knew I could not lift my dad into chairs or into bed.  I researched, toured, and found an assisted living facitily that was very nice but very short-staffed.  As soon as Dad neeed help eating, they told me they could not care for him.  I came every other evening to feed him, but it did not matter.  They told me I needed to rehouse him as they could not provide the level of care he needed..

I researched countless (and eventually found) a skiiled nursing facility nearby who had great reveiws on Medicare.gove, Yelp, and Google reviews.  I also spoike to peiple who had relatives there (a few years back) who were happy there.  The dietician who gave me the tour flat out lied to me about the ownership, care levets, ect.

It has been a disaster.  I am there every other night, but they are short-staffed and the owner will not help me or my dad, who is paralyzed from the neck down.  Dad is 199% there (and very intelligent) and when he called the (private) owner out on a few lies, he has never forgotten it and has threatened to evict him.  Twice.  My mom is there too and has Parkinson's but can still walk with a walker and feed herself.

My dad is terrified.  Soon he will not be able to press the button call for help (which does not always come anyway) because of his paralysis.

He wants to go to a different skilled nursing facility.  And the owner is pushing this by denying us a hospice evaluation.

I am looking, but nothing at reputable facilities is available.  And I can take a tour, ask all the right questions, but in the end can I guarantee he will be turned at night when his pressure sores or hips begin ot ache?  Will they bathe him as promised?  

 I feel so helpless and am suffering right along with him. He is miserable and feels unsafe. I know no place will be perfect but I am terrified I will take him from the frying pan into the fire elsewhere.  All of this, including the management of his financial affairs, is on me and only me.  I have a sister who is 2 miles from then but will not help and who rarely visits.

I don't really have anyone to take to and am so burned out.  I am running the family business, tending to my father ever other night, researching/looking for a new home, and have health issues of my own.  

No where to turn,