Hello

Hi I am new here and am looking for an online support group because I can't get out of my house to attend a local one.

I am 50 years old and caregiver for my 88 year old mother with dementia.  I have had her living in my home for close to 3 years and was part time (weekend) caregiver for her for several years before that.

I am getting so burnt out that I am not sure how much longer I will be able to continue to do this.  I am depressed, I can't sleep sound EVER, and my emotions are so fragile - I am quick to tear.

I have 6 sisters - but like most of us, they don't help me and Mom.  They've all pretty much turned their backs on her - saying that our mother left years ago and they have already mourned her.  I of course always respond by telling them that our mother has not gone anywhere, she is in my house waiting for them to come see her.

I am the youngest in the family - I was a "mid-life accident" after my parents had already decided that 7 children were enough.  My family made sure that I knew this growing up.

I moved here from out of state 10 years ago because I knew my parents would need me and that my sisters would not be mature enough to set their own desires aside and give them the help they needed. 

I am self employed, so relocating back to NY meant having to start from scratch re-building a new business and a way to pay my bills.  It has been a struggle for me since day 1.  NY is way more expensive that MA (where I lived my entire adult life) so I need to make more here than I needed to make there.  Growing a business has been difficult because before Dad passed and I moved Mom into my home - I was constantly running back and forth from my house to their senior living apartment. 

But if I thought that was hard - I was in for a rude awakening when Dad passed and Mom's dementia kicked into over drive.  Since moving her into my home I have had no time for my own life.  Honestly I can barely remember my own life - and am starting to feel like I don't even know what that means anymore and I won't' know how to have a life when this chapter ends.

I did just recenlty get my sister with financial POA (YEAH I have Mom and she has the money) to release some funds so I can start bringing in a little help.

Before all of this, I thought that I loved my family - I thought my sisters were good people.  Through all of this I am learning that with them it is all surpface and public image with nothing inside.  I do not have ANY good people in my life.  I have been betrayed by everyone in my life within the past few years - one by one.

The lesson I am going to take away from this is when Mom no longer needs me and I leave NY again - I am going to surround myself with a better class of people than those who were in my life before.

I guess because I have been an independant person and never needed anyone, I didn't realize that if the day came that I DID NEED them - they would not be there for me .  Now I know.