Hi - I've been a caregiver for my mom for about a year and a half now, ever since my dad passed away. My mom is a "her way or the highway" person. I am an only child. I moved my mom up to my town. She has become very needy lately. She has Acute Demyelinating Encephamyolitis - it is a brain virus. She also has Diabetes and high blood pressure. She has to use a walker and doesn't have much balance. The neurologist told me when her ADEM came on, that about this age, she would develop dementia. I have read thru the recent info on it and she is in the very beginning stages, due to her other ailments. I am recently divorced and have 3 kids at home. I have an adult daughter that has just found out she is having gut issues, which causes its own set of problems and she lives at home with me. Plus, I have a daughter who just graduated high school this year and will be going to college. And, then, my son, who has two years of high school left.
I myself, after moving us to where I took a new job, (40 hours a week), have in that past few years begun Menopause, found out I have Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism and Psoriatic Arthritis, GERD, hypertension, and Ocipital Neuralgia. I am in pain and have headaches constantly. And, I'm trying to, along with my children, help my mom, when she needs it. I am having a problem with anger and rages because of my own medical conditions and I'm having a hard time being patient. Plus, my mom and I have never seen eye to eye and she has always been emotionally abusive to me. I have always stayed "at arms length", but I can't now. My kids only have so much time because they have their own lives to live and go forward in.
We had been going over and getting her propane tanks filled once a week and emptying the garbage and her cat's litter box. And, for the past few weeks, it has gotten very frequent because she fell, she doesn't eat well in regard to her diabetes, and she has swelling in both of her feet all of the way up to her knees - her skin has split and is weeping. I had to take her to the ER. She won't listen to the Dr and keep her feet up...she says it hurts too much sometimes. And, this week, I am just completely overwhelmed! I have had to go to the store for her or with her almost every day this week, for things she needs. Her memory isn't the best right now and she is trying to take antibiotics to get over a sinus infection. She also fell and had to have the fire dept come and pick her up off of the floor in the middle of the night last week.
She is deathly afraid of assisted living places and hospitals, due to something that happened to her in her childhood. I am stressed out and tired!! I want to go home and relax and do my meditative breathing and I can't because I have to go to my moms and take her somewhere. I need help setting boundaries and knowing how to deal when I have to go get her like tonight and be patient and be able to help.
It's just nice that somebody told me to go online and check out your website and it helps that there are others like me out here.
I will take any suggestions. Please and thank you.
Hey I'm new to caregiver groups but I'm not new to caregiving.About four months ago me my mom and my brother got into a really bad accident.they were both ejected from the truck.AS a result my mom who is 50 years old has lost feeling from the middle of her torso down.I have held caregiver jobs before but never for a family member.Now I'm having different kinds of emotions going on with me and I pretty much keep them bottled up.my mom tried to make things easier on me but this is harder than I ever could have expected it to be.I have four siblings but it seems everyone has put the responsibility on me to take care of her full time because I don't have any kids.what was supposed to be a short visit to my moms turned into a life changing event for all us.i know I'm going through a depression because I barely sleep or eat and now I'm starting to fall behind in school.her husband works out of state so I'm the only one here that can do everything.i don't get paid for this because she can't get any help from the government and any place else.i love my mind and would do this all again if I had to but im a afraid that I won't have a life after this.im only 30 and I had things planned for my life that I have to put on hold.ive ended my relationship and barely talk to anyone outside the house.i live in Alabama but since innit from here I don't know anyone at all.i just want to know I should bad for thinking about my future and how all this will effect it
It took me a long time, and I still have times, when I feel responsible for everything that happens to my disabled sister. I did the same thing with my mother. You have to remember that you can only do your best. If your mother makes decisions to not listen to the doctor or is capable of doing better for herself and chooses not to, that is NOT your responsibility. You can't make her do what she isn't willing to do.
Right now I am trying to motivate my sister to do her PT and ST after she had a stroke 5 months ago. She has proven she can do the work, but she chooses not to do it. I try to motivate her and even feel guilty that I have to shame her into doing what should be simple (just getting out of bed on a daily basis), but she sometimes refuses even when I play the "do you love me" card.
It's so frustrating, I know. Just hang in there and know that all you can do is your best. The rest is up to her.
I hope this helps. I hope knowing that others are going through the same things helps too.