Frustrated to the limit | Caregiver Action Network

Frustrated to the limit

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Frustrated to the limit

My mother has been okay till a year back when I started being her caregiver. But now she has started showing signs of dementia and is becoming more and more difficult to handle. Last week I had bought her a medical emergency pendent but she is not ready to use it and told me that I am considering her old and useless now, and that she doesn't need any help. I understand that people become like this when they are old, but this is really affecting my health. I have this mother on one side and family issues on the other side. I feel all lost and defeated, I don't know what to do. 

Exhaustus's picture
Caregiver Frustration, I hear you!

Just found this support group.  Sorry to see no one responded to your post.  So, I'll say that I know how you feel first hand.  I'm my mother's last surviving child and she can't live by herself anymore.  Luckily, her dementia is depression and loss of memory.  But she isn't so out of touch that she becomes unruly.  She can't be alone for more than a couple hours here or there. 

Your mother doesn't want to wear an emergency pendant?  My mom went through that and then she gave in.  However, now she lives with me.  Is your mother not able to be left alone at all?  It sounds like it.  It's tough 7 days a week, dealing with a situation that isn't going to get any better.  Hopefully, you have a few friends to at least talk to about it.  It is exhausting and defeating.  Many of us feel that way who are in similar circumstances.  Are there any friends or family you could ask for a bit of help?  It's been months since your post.  I hope you've found some answers to help you get through these days.


Mar27's picture
Mom has 2 cancers … new caregiver

Hi all, I'm so happy I found this network! My mom was diagnosed with leukemia (ALL) 6 months ago and lung cancer 1 month ago (hopefully stage 1). I'm her secondary caregiver aside from my stepfather who lives with her. They are both elderly and physically disabled. My mom came home after the hospital and rehab a month and a half ago and is bedridden due to immobility for those 6 months and long term back and hip issues (very limited mobility before her sudden diagnosis).  I think I'm still in partial denial and running on acute anxiety, almost lost her a few times 4-5 months ago, major upset and unsettled feelings, recently turning to anger.   

Anyone have a related situation?   

Are there online support groups with video in this network?

Any resources or suggestions? I'm in some support communities for family members of those with cancer.   

Thank you for reading this. 

So hard not to get angy!

My mom (77) is starting to show signs of memory loss. Conversations are repeated daily, instructions are ignored or forgotten. My mom has always been a headbutter at everything she does. Now, when I try to remind her of conversations or things she should or shouldn't have done, she gets combative and argumentative like I did something wrong. I'm finding it hard to not take it personally as usual and try to decipher if it's just her being her or if she is honestly forgetting. I've never had to take care of an elder before and I'm completely lost on how to retrain my own brain, what to expect, and how to or not to react/act. I am so confused, frustrated, and utterly alone in this battle. I'm tempted to pack up and run and let the state worry about it as awful as that sounds, I'm losing my own sanity. Insider note: This has NEVER been a healthy relationship between us.

NicholeGoble's picture
Hi, frustratedandalone -

Hi, frustratedandalone -

Thank you so much for sharing a bit of your caregiving story on the forum. I think many caregivers can relate to your experience. I am not sure if your mom has gotten a diagnosis of dementia but behavioral symptoms may sometimes occur with conditions like Alzheimer's or other forms of dementia. Caregivers may be primed to expect the forgetfulness and confusion but be taken by surprise with some of the behavioral symptoms - agitation and aggression, hallucinations, and delusions. One of our resources, Lighting Your Way, provides some more specific information and guidance on understanding these behavioral changes.

I am hoping that some other family caregivers may chime in because hearing from those that have first-hand experience can be incredibly beneficial. And please feel free to reach out  to me ( or contact our Help Desk if there are specific resources or assistance we can help connect you with!

Thank you again for being here, and for sharing.


I'm in this exact same

I'm in this exact same situation. It's so hard to know how much is a true medical issue or if she is just trying to manipulate me further. She finally agreed to a neuro evaluation and keeps trying to find a way out of it. If she refuses to go I'm not sure I can continue this...