Hello, I'm new here. My husband & I moved in with my mother to help because of her cancer diagnosis. She's in maintenance thank goodness, but we will be here for another year. It's VERY hard trying not to take care of her, but she doesn't listen to doctors & when I remind her she doesn't believe me. We've completely changed our lives to help her. My brother is unemployed & he doesn't help. He puts thoughts into her head that we're taking advantage of her. It's very frustrating & I want to cry a lot. Does anyone else have this problem? Where available family members don't help at all &/or have trouble having your parent be stubborn?
I too have moved into a large home with my 92 YO mother with terminal cancer. My husband and I were between houses before COVID hit, and when my mother became ill. We moved in together thinking it would be for a short time. But now 3.5 years later we are the only ones helping her. I swing between loving that we have this time, and wanting to run away. My 2 brothers are oblivious. One has some mental issues, and the other is states away and has never cared for another person and so does not understand the time, energy, giving up of your life that this takes. Many sites that offer advice mention family members to take the burden-or to talk to family together logically. This does not happen in reality. All I get from family is no help at all and criticism on silly non-essentials. My mom is stubborn too. She will not consider any other type of help (private caregivers or housekeepers). She freaks out if I am gone past 10pm at night-even though my husband is here. We cannot leave overnight at all. There is no one to help, and she does not want anyone else to help. She takes her pain meds, it is morphine, and she will talk about it, but I have no control over the meds (or her money). But so far she is good about taking it correctly. This might change. When I mentioned this to my brother-he was adament that she is to never go into a care home-but he is states away living his life. Not in the trenches with her and her continuing decline. Somedays I don't know what to do-and I can only cry. I hate the situation, and I feel trapped and taken advantage of. It helps to know I am not alone-other people go through it too. Hope this helps you to know the same. The only answer (to me) is to love her to the end of her days-and not have any regrets.