Very Frustrating and Isolating | Caregiver Action Network

Very Frustrating

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Very Frustrating

I am at work now at a University computer center. Mom is in the hospital. She is 87 and has an aortic stenosis that may be operable at some point, but is just another battle with her. This is the 2nd time she has developed pneumonia, which just exacerbates her other issue. Dad died in 93, and she lived alone in another town until 2005, when taking care of the house was too much for her, and I did not have time to take care of two houses. We built on in 2005, and she has lived with us since. Her health was surprisingly good - she took several trips with us, but started noticing shortness of breath - we took as old age, and her doctor at the time said she had a murmur - Note GET A 2ND opinion!! In 2015 December she developed pneumonia, which brought the heart thing to the forefront. She has been on oxygen ever since, and has slowly built back up where she can do some things - even light cleaning - just getting out of breath. In fact just in past 2 weeks was at cardio doctor and regular doctor, and they said she has not gotten any worse. Now this, and wondering how far this is going to set her back since it came on so suddenly from a cold to this. Was really frustrated when she had pneumonia the first time...she started getting afraild to be alone - NEVER had that before, and was just now starting to be herself again - the only thing is that we made sure someone was home at all times. Now we are back to square one, I dread her coming back home and being weak again, and having to check on her constantly.. I work nights, home during the day trying to sleep.....wife and grown kids are home at night. My wife's mother is not well mentally, and lives in a nearby town, and my wife does practically all her care when she can, As I do all the care giving for my mom. I have two sisters. One works and has a husband that is disabled, and his mother lives with them. She has to care for them, so I cannot rely on her help me - she has her own hands full. I have another sister that only lives 65 miles away. She does not drive -or WILL not, I should say, but she has 4 grown kids and 2 grown grandkids that could bring her to stay - just an hour or so drive, then come back and get her after a couple of days. She is also retired and lives off her husbands pension, so she has no commitments, and her health is fine as far as sitting with mom. She is the one I am the most upset with. She has came to see mom maybe three times since her first bout of pneumonia in 2015, and has the attitutude, "well let me know what happens"....duh...She stayed one time so my wife and I could get away for an evening, like over a year ago. I think her kids have a bad attitude towards us for some reason. Meanwhile. either mom goes somewhere with us, or we have one of our grown daughters watch mom - but they are young and of course want a social life. Otherwise I stay home while others do things, or my wife does. More often then not, it is me. I cannot do anything with friends anymore, I don't go anywhere but work or church (when my mom goes). My pastor has not been very communicative about the issue. I am very very angry, I guess that is the emotion I feel most of the time. I am not getting any younger either, and I feel like I have lost my life. No one I know has to take care of their parent, so of course no one understands or thinks that it is a big deal. Some times my days are just pure hell - I also lost a job a couple of years ago, and making about 1/3 less money now, so finances are tight too. Tried to find some online job in free time - but they are all scams. At least our marriage is ok - we just look at each other and shake our heads. My dogs are also my best friends - thank God. 

She does not drive - or at

She does not drive - or at least does not intend to drive - but she has four grown children and two grown grandchildren who could bring her to stay for a few days - it would only take an hour or so to  get there and back - and then pick her up after a few days. She is also retired and lives off her husband's pension, so she has no obligations, and her health is fine as far as she is concerned about sitting with her mother in the nursing home. She is the one with whom I am the most dissatisfied.