After writing about not exercising it did inspire me to start again. So thanks for the thoughts that gave me that push. Of course when I got on the floor to do the sit ups , one of the cats looked at me as to say "Oh you doing that again. Let me move."
Walking is always good. It will give the two of you time to talk and maybe run into some neighbors. Leslie and I took a walk yesterday and ran into 4 different neighbors that we hadn't talked to for a little while. It was a nice day for November.
Walt,it looks like you have a cat with attitude too.:) Ours looks at me as if to say 'again,really?" :) I'm glad you and Leslie were able to take a walk around the neighborhood, I know it was something you both enjoyed. I think Jennie and I will start doing that,it'll be nice for a change, and we haven't done it for a very long time. Everyone seems to think that I am busy,no I'm not, I'm just trying to keep busy. Jennie wanted to do "dancersize" a combination of dance and exercise,well, five minutes of that and I was done.:) I guess I'm really out of shape, but Jennie thought it was great exercise and had me laughing, when we were doing it and I was trying to keep up. One day at a time. :)
Glad you found the forum.You won't find judgement here. You will find compassion, and ears that listen, I'm sorry that you both are going through so much. Maybe coming here will help.I know talking here has helped me,and I normally am not one to seek help but this time it's different,as you know the stress of being a caregiver,effects both persons.You've taken the first step. people here have told me,I needed to take care of myself in order to take of my loved one. (Thank you,guys)
Keep coming back, it helps.I hope I can be of some help and encouragement to you.
Like Alice said no judgements here. There are a lot of things going on besides just being a caregiver. We can try to talk with you about the stresses of being a care giver. I don't know if I can offer to much on the other situations. This forum is open to any of your questions or feeling and I hope just by talking we can ease some of your stress. I personally applaud you for going into a situation that you knew already existed and taking on the problems. That tells me that you are a very caring and loving person. So again, welcome to the group.
Dancersize is a great way to exercise. Take your time with any of the exercises. Start out slow and build into something as intense as want to. Sometimes trying to "keep busy" is harder than when you are busy. Try to reach out to friends and family, whether it is by phone or in person, just for some diversion. I know you will handle it well.
I hope the tests give you the best possible results. As a care giver there will be a lot of long days. It is great to have family and friends that can and will help out when needed. If you are talking about Hersey, PA, don't eat too many of those chocolate kisses. Good luck with the tests.
Let us know the results of the tests,though I know you won't get them back right away. It's good that you have family and friends there for you two. As Walt said there will be some long days,but hang in there,you can do it.
Dancersize is definitly different.:) it is fun though.
How are you and Leslie doing? Both of you getting your exercise in?
I am going to go slowly on this dancersize, i don't want anymore sore muscles.Geez,I wasn't expecting that.(Don't know what I was thinking)
My sister has been keeping in touch with me, and one other friend. I'm trying not to shut anyone out but it's hard,the numbness is wearing off and it's all hitting me,but God has me,I will go through this storm even if God has to carry me, which at the moment looks like He will have to.
I made beef stew for the first time without Scott,today, it was a bittersweet moment because I usually had Scott helping me,The one time I had attempted to do it alone, I had put in 24 bullion cubes, as I explained to Scott,at the time, it said a cupful of buillion, well, my reasoning was the 24 filled the cup. Poor man laughed so hard, he had tears in his eyes. He tried so hard not to laugh because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. You can imagine the look of astonishment on my face when he explained one cube makes a cup, when I realized my mistake, I just laughed as hard as he did and it became a running joke with us. :D Oh,and my sweet love, ate the beef stew with no complaints, even though I offered to make something else for dinner :)
We do hope that the tests give you the best possible results.
That is a funny story about the bullion cubes. Scott sounds like he was a man with great patience and compassion. The only time I ever used a bullion cube was to retailate for a practical joke that was pulled on me. I went to a buddies house, asked to use his bathroom, and put a bullion cube in the shower head. Next time he showered he smelled a little like beef so from then on when we were looking for him it brought on the saying "where's the beef".
I took Leslie to Cardio rehab this morning and from there we went to see the new James Bond movie. We go to the movies about once a year so today (it was rainy) was a good day. We enjoyed it.
Yes, Scott was a very patient and compassionate man. Everything I know, he taught me. If I didn't get it the first time,he would find other ways to explain things to me until I got it. :) He was the same way with other people,as well.:)
Thank you for your story,you made me laugh, something I've needed today. :)
I'm so glad that you and Leslie were able to take in a movie today. What a wonderful outing you must have had. :)
I'm glad I could make you laugh. I hope tomorrow seems a little brighter.
It was a day that brought many emotions into play..
I finished up funeral arrangements today,then later in the day,Jennie and I went to a celebration of life, for a friend of Jennie's,we have known him for many years. We saw friends we hadn't seen in years, many who had just heard about Scott. We talked, reminised and remembered Jennie's friend, Jennie's friend loved to dance.They played his favorite music, and many of the "kids'" danced, it was truely a celebration of his life. He had many friends there,it was a joy to see. It eased my heart to see a true celebration of life. He was very much loved.
It must have been a very difficult day. Bitter sweet in the fact that you had to deal with the final arrangements for Scott and then you got to see friends at the celebration of life. It was wonderful that you were among friends.
How are you and Leslie doing? How is the exercise coming along for Leslie and for you?
I know that it's been raining over your way,hopefully you haven't been having thunderstorms. It's been clear and crisp here,hard to believe just a few weeks ago we were having 90 degree weather.
Today I had some pictures developed,well, alot of pictures. I'm from the old school, I love having pictures in albums, so I will have plenty to put in albums. I came across alot of pictures I thought I had lost,but Scott had backed them up on the hard drive forme, so I was able to get them developed. I found the two pictures of Scott and I, that are my favorites. :) Another bittersweet moment finding those pictures.As I remembered and looked through pictures, I know that I wouldn't have traded our life together,for the world.
I'm doing ok with the exercise. I'm sticking with it. Leslie is doing very good. They lengthen the times in small increments and she is keeping up with no problem.
Yes we've had rainy days and windy days. So not too much has gotten done outside. worked in the house a little.
That's great about the pictures. I understand about the bittersweet moments especially with pictures. It is also nice that you feel that way about not trading the way your life was. That means you have a lot of GREAT memories to comfort you.
My prayers are still with you.
It's wonderful to hear how great Leslie is doing. :) It seems like those small increments will help her stamina.
What will you and Leslie be doing for Thanksgiving? Any plans?
Jennie and I did some walking today. It was a nice crisp day,warm enough to walk with out a sweater. We also did some clothes shopping for the both of us,.then stopped off at a sandwich shop,picked up a turkey sub, and went to the park and ate it. We people watched,and saw a bride and groom and their party having their pictures taken. It was funny watching a couple of toddlers walk off in the middle of having their pictures taken with the group. :)
Thank you for the prayers, I appreciate them very much. I seem to be hitting some rough patches, that I don't know what to do with, so I take them to God, but I think the numbness is beginning to wear off. Thanks for your support. I'm here for you too,I know how it feels,when a person just needs to have someone to talk to.
Leslie has been doing very well with the exercising and building up her stamina. When we walk up the street she is going longer before she wants to take a break. It has been a slow journey from the wheel chair to the walker to the cane and now she sometimes holds onto my arm. So great improvement on her part.
We don't have any plans yet for Thanksgiving. We usually go with her sister's family, but that has been changing that last couple of years. Last year we took her sister and husband out for for dinner when all three of her kids made plans and thought the other one would invite their parents. So that might happen again this year, but that is fine. It means not making two deserts and a vegatable.
Ah clothes shopping, something most guys don't crave, but something really good for a mother daughter to do. The picnic sounds nice too. Even when Leslie was in a walker we tried to go on a picnic at least once a week. That got her up and moving. It's nice that you caught a wedding. They are always such a happy time.
Well, I guess I better go outside again and rake more leaves MOST of the heavy stuff is done.
It's great news to hear that Leslie is doing so well. I'm so glad to hear that she is able to walk a lot longer.
Jennie and I will be spending Thankgiving with my son.He will be making Thanksgiving dinner, so I will probably go early to help out.I'm thinking of making deviled eggs he loves those.
Ah,I take it you are one of many men who don't like waiting hours, while others shop. :) Scott didn't like shopping, if he needed to get clothes, he would go straight for what he needed, pay for it then leave. :) or he would ask me to go it. :) I'm not one for clothes shopping, I don't like trying on clothes. Now on the other hand, I love shopping for books, I can spend a whole day in a bookstore, or a library. I found out recently,that there is still a bookstore nearby, so I will be going there soon to browse. Yes, an actual bookstore. :).
Hope you were able to get your leaves raked up. :)
Hello all, I haven't been around for a little while. Cathy, I can relate to your issues, I think. My dear friend and brother-in-law has been through hell the past few weeks and years. He had a stroke 10 years ago (at 49 years of age) that left him with chronic migraine headaches and near blindness. It was the end of his working life. Since then he's been hospitalized with diverticulitis twice and last week he had to have a leg removed because of multiple clots in the leg. Cause still unknown. Like Kenny, it seems, our Matt has had personal issues besides his illness. He is an alcoholic and has been abandoned by his family. Most people say that all of his troubles he brought on himself and so they justify their lack of caring. He is best friends with my husband although Dennis will not drink with him. He's in another state so we don't get to see him often.
Just before this incident with the "sprained ankle" that resulted in the loss of his leg, he was evicted from his apartment. He signed a lease for a new one but it's on the third floor. He doesn't drive, of course, and he doesn't know anyone in his new neightborhood. He's been in the hospital for a few weeks now so he's sober but they're sending him "home" today. How will he cope? His life is in boxes in a 3rd floor apartment. He's worried about how he will get to the grocery store, etc. I wish so much that I could be there for him but he's too far away. I've spent enough years in Al-Anon to know that he must do this himself but my heart aches for him. I fear he'll cope the way he always has - alcohol. Perhaps I underestimate him and his Higher Power. Let's hope so. He's a wonderful man, like so many people with the disease of alcoholism.
I hope and pray that Kenny finds his way through his troubles and that you can stick with him and continue to give him love and care. It ain't for sissies, but you don't sound like a sissy to me! Hang in there.
I do not like to shop for clothes. I have learned to be patient when necessary, but luckily Leslie doesn't like to spend a lot of time shopping either. Books are Leslie's passion too. Her mother was a librarian and Leslie does most of book gathering at the library. She always has a turn over of three or four books going.
It sounds like a nice get together for Thanksgiving.
Nice to see you back. It must be doubly heart breaking when there is a drug or alcohol problem along with medical problems. I hope Matt can cope with everything that he going through. You are still in my prayers.
Alice, it sounds like you're OK. You have family and you have been getting out and making plans. I think that's remarkable! Your strength is a big help to me.
Walt, yes Matt's situation is heartbreaking. As I was writing yesterday, I realized how easily and thoroughly I have been sucked into being his caregiver as well. I'm going to have to let this one go and leave it to God.
Dennis hasn't slept for several nights now. We think he has a chest cold but with his COPD, it's hard to tell. He cannot even speak without coughing fits. Poor man. He went to his deer hunting camp last weekend and some of the guys were sick. Emily and I try hard not to bring home sickness but you can't lock him in a cage. This is the one thing that's completely his that he does every year. I don't think he'll be out this weekend, though.
It was Dennis' 62nd birthday last Friday. We went out to dinner and a hockey game - something he's never done before. We had to leave the game during the second period because he wasn't feeling well but it was great fun. Yesterday, he said that he'd like to go to another hockey game soon! So glad to hear that. I'm a big fan so this is something new we can do together. Life is full of surprises!
It's good to see you. I was wondering how you and Dennis were doing.I'm so glad you and Dennis had a chance to go out to dinner and a hockey game.
I've been having some rough days but I need to keep going for our daughter and son.
Walt, Leslie reads as much as I do.
That is wonderful that you and Dennis got out to dinner and a hockey game. Wish him a happy birthday. I hope his breathing and coughing get better. Leslie coughs sometimes because of fluid around the lungs caused by the heart operation. It will actually help get rid of some of the fluid, but of course it bothers her. Keep enjoying your times together.
The rough days should get less and less. Embrace your son and daughter every day. If not physically do it in your heart. Keep on with the reading and dancersize
Leslie is continuing to do more for hersel.
Thank you, Walt. I will keep hugging my kids every chance I get. With Jennie that's all the time.:)
How are you and Leslie doing?
My husband was in an accident 9/19/15 and as a result he is a quadriplegic now. He is being discharged from inpatient rehab 11/24. I have been the main caregiver while hes been in rehab and will be for a duration when he comes home. The nurses and one of his doctors have been great to work with me to make sure I know how to do the daily things that he will need done. I'm on a leave of absence from work now until 12/23/15 and when I think about having to return to work, work all day then come home and care for him and three children I already feel a little overwhelmed. I'm applying for a paid care giver program where we live but found out the waiting list is very lengthy. I feel anxiety over the thought of leaving him during the day with someone else do other care givers feel this way??
Hi Brandie, welcome :)
Yes, I was very anxious about leaving my husband in someone else's care. I was my husband's caregiver for a year and a half, and the only one I trusted was our son. Is there a friend or relative that you trust to help out? We use to have a visiting nurse but I always stayed even when she was there, but that's just the way I was.
Keep coming back, we're here to give support
Hi Smedley and Karen,
Thinking of you guys. Prayers always for you.
Smedley, you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Praying for you through your journey.
Karen, thinking of you, and praying for you,haven't heard from you in a while.
I'm sorry for your situation. My cousin was in a similar situation. She had friends do more with the kids than her husband. They needed to be chauffered around to different places and at different times. She actually had a list of people that volunteered and scheduled them to help out. That way she could concentate more on her husband. Like Alice said, she was anxious to leave her husband alone with someone else. It worked quite well in my cousins case. That might be at least a partial solution to taking care of things. You are in our prayers.
Leslie is doing well. We just got home from another session of Cardio rehab.
I'm glad to hear that Leslie is doing well. How are you doing?
I'm doing ok, I have been having my moments though.I was able to get my car repaired,I had promised Scott that I would take care of it.
I also had friends that would take Jennie out for dinner,or places that she needed to go. It got her out, and I didn't worry about her,and I was able to spend my time with Scott, with ease.
I'm sure it gave you a good feeling to get the car fixed after promising Scott that you would. It's amazing the completeness that you feel when you do something like that. I'm sure he would be proud of you. I hope that your moments get fewer and fewer as each day passes.
Maybe it is possible in addition to getting some in home aide you will be able to get any special equipment that you need to make your job physically easier. I hope things go smoothly when you bring him home.
Yes, it gave me a good feeling to get the car fixed, Scott didn't want me driving it until I got it fixed because it was the axle under the car. I had stopped driving it, until I had it repaired.
How are you doing, Walt?
Hello. Walt, I'm so glad that Leslie is doing so well. And, Alice, I'm glad that you have plans for Thanksgiving with the people who matter most to you. Holidays are bound to be difficult.
Brandie, welcome! You seem to be a very loving person and a brave one. You must feel you have the weight of the world on you right now. Walt and Alice gave some helpful advice. I wondered how your husband feels about a personal caretaker other than yourself? Is he OK with it? It seems like you'll need to trust someone else at some point, if you're going to keep working (and maintain your sanity).
I spent part of the weekend with my 81-year-old mother. Her husband passed away from Parkinson's last year. She had been his caretaker for many years. She joined a caretakers' support group which gave her a sense of not being alone and a lot of relief. She still goes to their meetings. With Thanksgiving upon us, I couldn't help but be thankful for my mother's recovery. She has really come into her own. She is busy and happy and has many friends. Her last years with her husband were trying and often unpleasant and she suffered. But now she is her old self again! She drove herself 800 miles to a ragtime festival where she spent many days revelling in the music and re-uniting with a group of people she knows well. She is off to sunny Arizona for the winter to visit her snowbird friends. She's very involved with her church and just volunteered for hospice caregiving (it's in her blood, I guess). Her blossoming is like a miracle! May we all be as happy and able at 81.
That is great about your mother. It is amazing to see them come back and thrive. I can imagine that she really ejoyed the ragtime. It also puts your mind more at ease about how she is doing.
Axel problems can be very dangerous. I thank you for getting it fixed.
I hope everthing is ging as smoothly as possible.
My prayers are with all of you.
Kathi, that is so great to hear about your mom. She sounds like one incredible woman.
Walt, thank you for your concern, i'm so glad the car is fixed.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I am thankful that I know all of you becuse this forum has helped me be a better caregiver and my prayers are with all of you.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
I'm also thankful for all of you, you've helped me through the rough spots.
God bless you all,you are a blessing to me.
Thinking of you all. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Yes, Happy Thanksgiving to you all.
So, this weekend we decided to put up the (fake) Christmas tree, bake cookies, stuff like that. Dennis said he'd put up the tree. First, he decided that the electrical outlet was suddenly deficient because it isn't grounded (old house, but it's always been this way). So he buys some new stuff and for a whole day, the tree is in pieces in the living room and the outlet is hanging out of the wall. The next day the outlet was back in the wall but the tree remained in pieces in the living room (he wasn't feeling well). He won't let Emily and I put it together (his job). It's a pre-lit tree so, of course, some of the lights aren't working. He fiddled with that for another few hours and now we have half a tree in the stand and half still on the floor. So, four days so far to put up the tree. This is my life now. Last night I looked at the mess and all the boxes of decorations stacked in the dining room and I actually laughed. Usually I hate the mess and I feel stressed and crabby. I bake and hide out in the kitchen so I don't have to look at it. But yesterday it occurred to me that this is our family tradition - like the Charlie Brown Christmas tree - and it's funny! I know when I'm ninety and look back on this, I will see the humor in it so why not see the humor now? I know it will be up and lit by Christmas. What else do I really need? I need to learn to let go.
Hi Kathi, :)
I think you're doing great and you have learned to let go already. :) I love your way of hiding out by baking. I think I will try that. :) Take pictures so when you are 90, you will have pictures to reminise over.:)
Jennie and I will be getting back to making gingerbread houses for Christmas this year. We haven't made them in years,it was a tradition I had started years ago but it had gone by the wayside a few years back. Trying to make some new memories, and bring back some of the old. I'm going to take more pictures during the last part of this year, I didn't take any at Thanksgiving,much to my regret. I forgot my camera, and didn't think of using my phone. We keep planning on decorating for Christmas, and we have boxes of ornaments all in the living room, :) I think we will decorate Jennie's room first. :)
Been busy helping a neighbor get ready to move. He is somewhat of a hoarder, so there are many things that have to be gone through. Well, I guess I sleep better at night.
Kathi, I'm you can laugh a little about the Chrismas tree. It must be very frustrating to Dennis not to be able to get the tree together and lit up like he always did. Somethings like that are a "guy thing". I know I'm a little "pig headed" when it comes to trying to do some jobs that I used to do by myself and now need help with. I even get frustrated if I'm 15 minutes late with Leslie's medicine, because "that's my job".
Alice, I can sense the aroma coming from the gingerbread house. It's nice to continue the tradition.
My thoughts are with you.
The aroma from the gingerbread houses, fill the house, and makes it feel like Christmas. :)
Walt, it's nice to know that it's a "guy thing." :) Scott was adament about cleaning out the garage, and getting stuff put away, when it came to putting the patio furniture away, before it rained..He also said it was his job, to clean out the garage, (our son helped him but I guess that was a guy thing too cause guys are supposed to do things together) :) I've always considered the garage Scott's domain. :) even though I did have alot of junk in there. :) He had his tools, his fishing and camping stuff and his golf clubs in there. He was always so organized and knew where everything was. (I need to take a page from his book).. :)
Jennie and I will be finishing up, her room today,we are still putting up Christmas decorations in her room, and she wants to decorate the rest of the house, and get a tree. I'm not sure that I want to decorate the rest of the house but I need to do it for her, and maybe for me. They say the first holidays are the toughest, yes, they are. Thanksgiving was Scott's holiday,Christmas was mine.We got through Thanksgiving together, hopefully for the kids sake, we will enjoy next Thanksgiving instead of just getting through it, though this Thanksgiving was good because we were together but the void was there, missing Scott. I know that depression hits people at the holidays, especially with the changes in our lives, things aren't the same as we wish them to be, but Christmas is about love and hope..We will continue to make memories, with our loved ones to add to our old memories. I will be taking many pictures. :)
My friends,know that God has us in the palm of His hand,He will carry us, when we need Him to. :) Enjoy the holidays, the mishaps that happen, the burnt cookies and muffins,yes, I burnt them, :) but the gingerbread houses came out perfect. Enjoy, trying to unravel the lights that are a mess, and you can't find the end of the string of lights, and bulbs that are burnt out. :). Laugh at the mishaps. :) I wish you all a Christ filled Christmas season.
You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Smedley and Karen, you are also in my thoughts and prayers.
There are always mishaps. The burnt cookies and muffins can be redone. Leslie just cooked dinner by herself tonight, things didn't go as well as she hoped. It was fully edible but somethings were burnt to the pan. It still tasted fine, it was just harder for me to get the pans clean. It frustrated her, but I think she honestly knows that that doesn't bother me. I burned the toast this morning when I was cooking her eggs. She didn't complain. Yet I felt bad. These are just little things that really don't mean a lot in the big picture.
Getting Jennie's room decorated and then moving on to the rest of the house sounds like it is keeping you busy. It sounds like it makes Jennie comfortable and relaxed to do those things. That might be the best thing for her right now.
When it comes to Christmas lights....I've been an electrician for 40 years and they are still a pain in the neck.
Bless all of you.
Anyone have Christmas plans?
No special plans at this point. Will spend some time with Leslie's family. Alittle shopping to do and some cards to write. A couple of get togethers to go to. A luncheon with guys I used to work with and another group with the wives for a nice dinner.
I'm glad to hear that you will be getting out with friends. No special plans here yet. Scotty wants us to come over, we might for a couple hours. Jennie and I have been getting together with family, it's been nice.
Hello. I've been baking and baking for our get-together. We have a large extended family and we'll be visiting them as always on Christmas Day. Company party last Friday night and Dennis was able to attend. Everyone was very glad to see him again and he enjoyed it. Our tree is decorated and lit!!! The "guy" things got done. Emily is already begging to open "just one" present. Yup, normal Christmas.
I am planning a trip to Europe for Emily's graduation from college next spring. That's pushing all my guilt buttons. Of course, Dennis will not be able to go. He says he wants us to go and I believe him but I find myself not talking about the plans when he's around. I tried to get Emily to go with one of her friends instead but she wants to go with me. This will be my last trip to Europe so I want to go, too. I think I need to include Dennis in the planning. I'll have to have a think about that. He must feel doubly excluded when we don't even talk about it.
I'd love to see your gingerbread houses, Alice. I love Christmas for allowing us to do creative projects like that once a year.
Walt, it's great to hear that Leslie is cooking entire meals. She must feel good about it, too. Dennis cooks for us except when he's really ill. He's not the best cook but all food that's cooked for me is good food. I do look forward to retirement when I'll be able to cook for him more often. I envision us planning, shopping, and cooking together. I think we'll enjoy that.
It does sound like everyone will be with family That's great. Leslie will probably be doing her usual baking (she did for Thanksgiving) which includes some of these, Pumpkin bread, Cranberry bread, Banana bread, Pumpkin pie, Cheesecake cake, a Lemon desert. She won't do them all but it depends on how many people will be there. I love it when she bakes. I don't too much. Make sure she doesn't overdue, get ingredients or what ever she needs. I get rewarded in the end with all those good tastes.
Europe sounds great. I hope the guilt feelings aren't too deep. I think Dennis would feel bad if you didn't go with Emily. Leslie gets upset if she thinks she is stopping me from doing something because of her.
I stopped at a bakery yesterday to see if they had any Gingerbread houses. They didn't have any. I just wanted to smell it. I guess I'm weird that way.
Don't you just love the smells from baking. :) I'm glad Dennis was able to go to the company dinner. I hope you will be able to discuss your Europe plans with Dennis, you could ask his opinion on certain things too, and get his input.
Jennie and I make our gingerbread houses from scratch. :) Jennie likes to cover hers with with peppermint candy, and puts candy canes at the doors.:)
Walt, I'm so happy to hear that Leslie is baking, You are a lucky guy,all those wonderful things to eat. You arent weird Walt, :) You are enjoying the simple things in life, and getting joy out of it. :)
We are having nice weather here in New Jersey. It was about 14 degrees above normal for December. Raked some leaves did some outside jobs and relaxed a little. Leslie has two more Cardiac rehab appointments. We had a visit with the Cardiologist and everything is looking good.
I hope everyone else had a nice day too. My thoughts are with you.