Not so new to caregiving, but to caring for spouse, well ..... that's new | Caregiver Action Network

Not so new to caregiving, but to caring for spouse, well ..... that's new

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Not so new to caregiving, but to caring for spouse, well ..... that's new

Hello!  I just registered today because while my situation is not, I think, as troubled as those of many here, I still feel lonely and a little helpless from time to time.

I was caregiver to my late Mother when I was in my 50s, just beginning to contemplate retiring.  Mom never got a formal diagnosis but I believe she had a sort of dementia and later on, deafness.  She came to live with my husband and I for several years and things were really quite good, until she began constantly wanting to know "when are we going home?"  And at that point we were able to get her placement in a nearby care residence.  I think as a result of this I know a good deal about the journey of caregiving.

I have always *assumed* that it would be I who would eventually have memory problems.  But it turns out to be my husband.  He IS older than me, but we have both been quite healthy and happy for a long time.  Yet somehow in the past 5 to ten years, he has begun having severe sleep difficulty, prostate issues with frequent nighttime bathroom trips, and his vision has gotten very bad.  All this has -- pretty understandably I think -- led to what I think is depression.  NOTHING seems to really make a dent. 

I feel unprepared for being so depended upon by him.  I know he doesn't like asking for help, and part of me really hates being the one "in charge" so much of the time.  He used to love to drive and now I do all the driving; we used to go places to walk, but he is not able to walk very far (he's easily exhausted). 

I know the pandemic situation made things worse to an extent, too.  Not having social events, he kind of withdrew in many ways.  His eyesight make hobbies very limited.

Mostly I focus on the good things, on being quietly together, on his little jokes now and then.  But I'm starting to realize, this may be how our happy story ends, too.

Thanks for listening, for reading this far.  Thanks for being here with me!